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Sep. 20th, 2010

Oh... Really... **Sigh**

I am tired.  Things have been crazy the last couple weeks.  On Sept 11th, little Bekah decided to start crawling.  Since then, she has been getting faster and faster.  She doesn't crawl on her hands and knees, but on her tummy with her arms and more like one leg.  LOL!  What a funny little girl.  She also loves outlets.  :(  Not good.  I had to chase her all over our friend's house last weekend.  She would just turn around and head back to the nearest outlet.  I hope she outgrows that, and fast.  That scares me, thinking she could get really hurt by touching the outlet. 

Also, on September 11th, we sold buttons and kettle corn at Freedomstock in Iowa.  It was, unfortunately, a low turn out.  They had a woman sing the National Anthem.  Oh, we really wish we would have had the camera or Sadie's Flip video recorder.  This poor lady.  She sang her heart out.  She sang loud, and would hold the last note for 30 seconds.  Then rush the next part and hold the last note again.  I tried to keep my composure, and think I did a good job.  Then when she was holding the note on the very last word, we just smiled at each other.  THEN, a couple seconds later, she starts again.  I'm not sure, at that point, what is going on.  I though maybe the second verse, but it didn't sound like the National Anthem.  Then we find out it IS the second verse.  She goes on and on.  I absolutely LOST IT!  I had to turn around (I was in the window for the trailer) and look out the back door so nobody could see me.  I was literally crying because I was laughing so hysterically.  :) 

So, lately we have been looking for a place to live.  We know we want to stay in Missouri, but aren't sure what end to live.  We've been praying, and hope to get an answer, and soon.  We have two areas in mind, but they are far apart.  We hope that we get an answer.  Until then, it's just getting things in order. 

There are so many other things that are stressing me out.  Today, we find out that some neighbors are saying our kids are not being educated.  We homeschool.   They are asking Brent's parents what ages they are, what grade level they are in, if we use state certified cirriculum.  They are talking about getting the state involved.  We are pissed, to put it lightly.  We are doing everything, and then some, necessary for their schooling.  My oldest two are ahead of their grade.  My third is a struggle, but that's because she's very stubborn.  She's not behind, though.  She's not even required to be schooled until next school year, so at least she's not an issue right now.  I'll tell you what.  We are moving soon, and if I find out that anyone one of my extended family was involved in this.  All hell will break loose!  This is MY family.  They are my heaven!  Nobody screws with my heaven!

Sep. 4th, 2010

Close To My Heart

I am amazed at how much I learn from my children.  They have so much love, not just for my husband and myself, but for everyone.  They have shown me so much about how to love and that love is not just words, but actions as well. 

As I get older, and we have added more children to our family, I have had so many learning experiences.  I have learned from my mistakes - as we all do.  I have also learned about things I never knew anything about.  I learned about extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, home birthing, unassisted birthing, homeschooling, placenta encapsulation, and baby wearing.  Some of these were almost instinctive.  Some others took a while to understand.

When I had my first baby, I was 18.  I was very new to mothering, and was a little nervous about what to do.  I was also very scared of hurting my baby if I dared to let her sleep with me.  Because of this, I would not bring her to my bed with me.  When she cried at night, I would go into her room, and nurse her in my rocking chair.  When she was done, I put her back in her bed and returned to my bed in the other room. 

When our second baby came, we took her to see our family when she was only a couple of weeks old.  She ended up with a pretty severe cold, and spent the next week struggling to breathe through her nose.  I could not sleep at night during this time.  I would get up to check on her all throughout the night (sometimes poking and waking her up to make sure she was still with us).  I then began bringing her to bed with me, so she could be close and I could keep watch over her.  This is when I the beginnings of our co-sleeping started.  With my second, and then third baby daughter, I began to bring them to bed more and more with me to nurse them. 

Then, by the time we made it to our fourth baby, our first boy, I was only occasionally moving him to his bed at night.  The only problem I had by this time, and I will admit that it did happened, is that he unfortunately rolled off the bed a few times.  Oh, how traumatizing for both of us.  Once, I even woke up holding my baby boy (he was actually like 7 months old) by the ankle, dangling over the edge of the bed.  I had sensed him going over and caught him, by his foot, in my sleep.  That was when I taught myself to curl up around him, to protect my little one from rolling away. 

Thankfully, my fifth and sixth babies had much less 'exciting' sleeping experiences.  I love the times where I get to snuggle in bed with them.  However, there are the nights when they really just want their own bed.  The nights when they just wiggle, and kick, and whine until I put them in their own little bed, away from mom and dad.  That is when I know my baby is growing up.  When they want to move away a little bit at a time.   It is sad, but exciting at the same time. 

I love to have my babies close to me when we sleep.  I love the feeling of their breath on me, hearing their little snores, knowing that they are close to me, and close to my heart.  I know that when my baby is first born, they have lost that closeness.  They are no longer one with my body.  They are now their own person, without the warmth, noise and all that they have every known from inside me.  They are utterly alone in the new world. 

I love to snuggle with them.  I place them on my chest, over my heart, so they can hear it beating.  I hold them next to me and whisper to them.  Telling them how much I love them, how I missed them, and how I am so happy they are here with me.  It is so hard for me to let my babies go.  To let them grow up and become an independent toddler, then kid, teen and soon - an adult with their own family. 

I enjoy watching them, as the days, months, and years pass by.  I love watching them experiment, learn, smile, cry, and grow.  As my babies grow older, though, I know that I have done well.  I know that my babies are happy, and know that I have, and always will, be there for them.

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